Of Youth and Chivalry

I am very fond of children. I love kids of all ages, from babies on up. I enjoy playing and talking with them, I marvel at what they share with me and I genuinely appreciate their company. To be honest, I think that children are often closer to God than the rest of us; maybe because they have so recently left heaven to come to earth, they remember more of him than those of us who have been here a while.

Rest on Flight to Egypt (detail) by Caravaggio, 1596-1597

So I sense a special joy when I am with little ones, but I also feel a certain responsibility to them, especially to adolescents, teens and emerging adults. Young people look to the established adults in their world not to boss them around but to gently guide them into their own adulthood. It's a very delicate thing to walk alongside these 12-and-ups and earn their trust so that they will let their walls down and speak to you about the truth of their lives. Yet I seem to find natural bonds with people of this age and I've been honored to earn their trust.

Of course, parents and other family members are naturally positioned to nurture their maturing children. That is unquestionably good and true. But at least in contemporary American culture, parents need back-up. The challenges of raising up a young person to maturity are so many, the risks so huge, and the nature of the parent-teen relationship is often so heated that it's very important for young people to have other adults in their lives as well.

Jacob Blessing the Children of Joseph by Rembrandt, 1656

After much consideration and some trial and error, I've come to the conclusion that the best place for these types of secondary relationships to spring is from within the church (or temple or mosque). I've been involved in youth ministry (translation: hanging out with teens and young adults and talking about faith) for quite a few years. And I've thought a lot about what exactly it is that we are trying to teach them. 

In a nutshell, I'd say that youth ministry is about guiding young people to live as children of God, secure in his love and eager to share that love with others.

That's easy to say, but it's a whole 'nother thing to make that statement tangible and real to a bunch of hormone-crazed, know-it-all teens.

unknown title by John William Waterhouse

For a number of years, I've been looking for a story, a metaphor, a simple set of images that can easily take up residence in a young person's brain and guide them through life's challenges, like the North Star or a beacon in a lighthouse.

Last November, I attended a high school youth event and heard a man named Pastor Dave speak. Too bad I don't recall his full name but I remember pretty much every other word he spoke. Because he laid out that story, that narrative that I had been seeking and I think he totally nailed it. I'll share it with you now.

{There were about 40 kids in a big empty hotel banquet room, along with Pastor Dave, a hulking, no-nonsense 30-something who looked and acted like a former linebacker. The kids had been running around the room for about a half hour, playing a variety of crazy games. With no fuss, Dave asked them to sit on the floor in a circle, girls on one side, boys on the other, and give him their undivided attention for ten minutes. Then he began to speak.}

"First," he said, "I want to speak to all the young women. Ladies, our culture is cruel to you. No matter how you look, or how you dress, or what you eat, or how much you weigh, it's never good enough. You are constantly judged by your outward appearance, and each and every one of you know how much it hurts when you are told that you don't measure up. You look in the mirror and you start to believe what our culture tells you. You doubt your own worth, and you lower your standards - with grades, with sports, with your friends, with guys, with your aspirations for the future -  because you stop believing in yourself.

"But I want to tell you what God sees when he looks at you. He sees a beautiful, perfect princess of God. He sees the kindness of your soul, the beauty of your spirit, the deep, tender feelings of love in your heart, and he cherishes you more than you can ever know. Remember, God is the king of all creation, so if you are his princess, then that means he is your father. And he loves you with all the tenderness and protection that a perfect father gives to his daughter. No matter what our culture tries to tell you, it doesn't matter. You are a holy, beautiful, cherished princess of God, your father the king, and he will treasure you and protect you and believe in your worth forever." 

Las Meninas by Diego Velázquez, 1656

{At this point, most of the girls were visibly shaken and wiping away tears. The emotion from their side of the room was tangible. The boys were stunned into silence.}

"Now, as for you men," he said, turning to face the boys, "our culture tells you that you are just a bunch of doofuses. All anyone expects of you is that you will play meaningless video games, watch sports, eat junk food to your heart's content, and then make some fart jokes. Watch PG-13 movies and the beer commercials during NFL games; they'll tell you that's what it takes to be a man. Act stupid, laze around with your buddies, get some laughs, sleep it off and start again the next day. And after a while, you'll look in the mirror and that is what you'll see - a goofy, unmotivated slacker who cares more for his own amusement and comfort than anything else. And you will stop believing that you are capable of being anything more.

"But that is not God's plan for your life. He created you to be his knight, to defend his honor and his majesty to the world. He has given you gifts of strength, courage, valor and cleverness and he asks - no, he expects - that you will use those gifts on his behalf, because he is your king. Notice that I have not called you a prince of God; that's because princes don't earn their relationship with the king, they are simply born to it. But you, great knights of God, you don't want anything handed to you. You accept your role as God's knight, and God the King grants you your knighthood, because you both know that you are worthy of that great task. 

"And by the way, God also expects you to honor, protect, and defend his daughters, the princesses. Unless your motivations to be close to them will meet with God's high standards for his priceless treasures, you had best respectfully keep your distance." 

Saint George and the Dragon by Raphael

As Pastor Dave finished speaking, the whole room was electrified. Even Pastor Dave, who had certainly given this talk many times before, was obviously touched. His voice shook, he wiped at his sweaty forehead, and he quickly moved us to a closing prayer. 

But I knew, looking at the faces of those kids, that this story of knights and princesses, of the chivalry of God, would stay in their hearts for a long, long time. It certainly has stayed in mine.